torsdagen den 31:e december 2009
Alex, do you remember ten years ago? When we celebrated the new millenium in London? Angelo mixed Champagne and Chambord for all of us in the attic, and I was wearing black, and that gorgeuos necklace, the one with the white, soft feathers, which I lost that night. Not the necklace, but the feathers. You took care of my twin sister, so that I didn't need to worry, I reckoned you'd take care of her as you would have taken care of me, if I had let you. When I lost sight of you, you stood on Parliament Street, people all around you, and you had heaps of big red and white balloons in your hands, above your heads and I laughed.Where did you get them from, those balloons? It looked as if they could take you away, lift you up. It was so funny and I laughed.
Too crowded, that night, wasn't it? Someone said that there were four million people on the streets of London that night. Four million people and I went off with a guy called Paxton. He was Dan's flatmate, and lived in Chrystal Palace and I thought that sounded lovely and I said that I would have loved to live in a chrystal palace. I told him that Paxton was the loveliest of names and that I would have loved to live in a chrystal palace.
I don't remember much of the millenium celebration, besides those gorgeous fireworks above the river, reflecting themselves in the Thames. Looking down, seeing heaven. Or just the sky or whatever. It was so pretty. The feathers were soaked in Champagne and I stuck my contact lenses on a streetlight, reminding myself to come back for them the next day. It was funnier not seeing clear. I didn't see clear anyway. And then Year 2K was there and I kind of missed when it happened.
I was so unhappy. It hit me hard, the change of millenium. It hit me so hard in the stomach that a year later I was still fighting to breathe. Fighting for air.
I could have not left London. The thought scares me.
Funny how a date can make you reminisce the past, isn't it? And funny how words can impose themselves, and then stay unsent.